The Happy Hooker, the Sandwich Man and the oldest swingers in town

Cast of characters:
          Craig Marsden – ‘The Gaffer’ - walking advertisement for Gaffer tape
          Steve Graham – ‘The Sandwich Man’ – spotless and immaculately turned out
          Gareth Williams – ‘The Happy Hooker’ – modelling salopettes by Wonderbra
          Colin Maddison – ‘The President’ – soberly dressed and dignified at all times

Snow walls rear up on both sides and spindrift blast around in a fierce maelstrom …. and this is just driving there!

After six trips to Rjukan Craig and I have decided it’s time to visit another area and so we’re on our way to Setesdal, a long valley that runs north/south further to the south and west of Rjukan.

Friday 14^th February
Valentine’s Day so naturally enough we’re abandoning the women folk and heading to Norway on a slightly delayed 18.25 flight from Liverpool to Oslo Torp; the wisdom of this strategy uncertain.

We pick up the hire car and depart Torp 10.20pm arriving Valle, in Setesdal, 2.05am – 3 hours 45 minutes from Torp; quicker than we expected but then again Craig was driving. It’s an interesting journey, especially in the dark on the top road (RV45) through spindrift and narrow snow walls. Two days later the road is closed due to an avalanche! Whiskey and late to bed; no bedding, towels or toilet rolls. Steve’s snoring drives Gareth from his bed to the lounge sofa during the night.

Saturday 15^th February
It’s a snowy morning turning to light rain later before drying up for a while in the afternoon. We shop for toilet roll, queue for the loo and breakfast.

Steve begins a week long dedication to sandwich making and we visit the Bykle Slabs in the afternoon, where there is some reasonable ice but also a lot of snow and periodic mini avalanches down the centre. The more sheltered left hand side gives each pair two reasonable but unnamed routes with abseil descent from trees to ease us into the trip.

Colin & Craig tackle a two Pitch WI 4 that gives Craig a short but very steep second pitch and then a single pitch WI 3. Gareth & Steve start on a single pitch WI 3 before Gareth in turn leads up the WI 4. Thus begins the ‘great debate’.

Gareth is a happy little hooker and Craig a dedicated swinger. The annual debate, whether to hook or swing. Whilst Gareth favours working his way slowly upwards hooking his picks carefully into any available placement Craig is dedicated to the art of driving them in as far as possible and preferably to the hilt with a swing that starts somewhere near the back of his knees. For my part, I guess I vacillate somewhere in the middle, the confidence to hook and the desire to swing being directly proportional to the fear experienced at any point in time …. so generally towards the latter.

Steve by contrast climbs in a parallel universe. Where once essential for driving in ice pegs, warthogs and bulldogs, in the modern age of ice screws the hammer axe is almost redundant. Save in the mysterious world of the Steve Graham school of ice climbing where it is essential for hammering in the pick of your other axe for added security! A technique for then hammering in the hammer or, indeed, getting either of them out again is still on the drawing board.

Spaghetti Bolognese for tea. Still no bedding or towels.

Sunday 16^th February
Much too warm and much too much snow. Steve makes sandwiches and we drive about 20km up the valley to the ski centre at Hovden and hire snow shoes. Across the lake we can see that Hovden Falls, our intended objective, is seriously snowed up. Ice looks thin elsewhere in the main valley so we decide to check out the higher routes above the RV45 but find it blocked by avalanche.

Instead we snow shoe up the Vienne Gorge for an hour or so. It’s a beautiful valley with beaver dams in the stream but nothing is in condition. Damocles Groove looks a fantastic line but the ice isn’t in and we can see rushing water through big holes in the impressive looking falls of Gloppefossen.

We consider options over beers at the Motel. There is clearly too much snow and not enough ice. We decide to cut our losses and run for Rjukan. The cabin owner is gracious and only charges us for the three nights. Finally we have bedding and towels. Steve takes a ‘short’ shower and somewhere in the hills a small lake is drained.

Monday 17^th February
A colder morning. We drive to Hovden and get our money back on the snow shoe hire from the amiable shop owner who jokes that losing 1200 Krona is a good way to start the day!

It’s very snowy on the initial high section of the drive to Rjukan over the top from Hovden but, otherwise, it’s a lovely day with blue skies and great scenery. We arrive at Krokan at the head of the Rjukan valley shortly after midday and enjoy a few single pitch routes.

Craig leads Jomfrua (WI 4) which has a very steep start and produces a few technical phrases (e.g. F**k this is steep!); I lead Gaustaspøkelese (WI 4) which twists up a narrow gully in two steep steps. Meanwhile, Gareth and Steve both lead separate lines on the broad sweep of ice that is Bullen (WI 3) before Gareth also leads Gaustaspøkelese. Finally, Craig squeezes in a third independent line on Bullen for Gareth and me to follow.

Satisfied we’ve made the right call in moving we dine on pizzas at Rjukan Hytteby and check into a small cabin at the Rjukan Hytte og Caravan Park further down the valley. It’s snug for four but comfortable enough.

Gareth is given earplugs but Steve’s snoring still drives him to the sofa. “The ear plugs stayed in for a bit but didn’t stop the noise!”

Tuesday 18^th February
It is a fine day with high clouds and some blue sky. Gareth is barely awake! Steve makes sandwiches.

From the cabin the routes look lean. We check out the Bølgen area nearby. Bølgen (WI 3) might go but it is a bit late in the morning for a six or seven pitch route so we go to the Tjønnstadberg Area above the town centre where Gareth is propped up against the crag to snooze whilst the rest of us select routes.

Ironically, although it is a lean year the top, crux, pitch of Lysløypa (WI 4) has formed. Craig and I have never seen it in condition before so go for the route which gives three long pitches. I’m lucky enough to get the top pitch that weaves an excellent line around the initial overhangs and up the grooves and walls above.

Steve wakes Gareth up and manages to keep him that way long enough for them to complete Klappfoss (WI 4) which starts up an impressive pillar and also goes in three long pitches.

Craig and I team up with Sue and Ben from Birmingham at the top to share four abseils and are back at the base for 3.30pm. There’s no sign of the others so we head into Rjukan to arrange accommodation for Saturday night and do the shopping. Gareth and Steve miss the ab point and have a much longer descent through trees all the way to the road some way from the crag. As Gareth is asleep again by now Steve goes back up for the sacks.

Craig cooks chicken stir fry for tea. “Gareth, can you prepare the vegetables?” Gareth, “If that means chop them, then yes!”

Wednesday 19^th February
Steve is making sandwiches and Gareth slumbers after another night on the sofa, driven there this time by Steve and Craig in perfect harmony. There’s light snow that lasts most of the day with some blue sky in the afternoon.

Gareth and Steve are dropped off for a snowy looking Bølgen (WI 3) and Craig and I drive up to Vermork Bridge. The routes there look very lean so we take a walk into the Upper Gorge where an attack of boldness by Craig sees us tackling Nye Vemorkfoss (WI 5). Good but reasonable angled ice leads to a cave from where Craig traverses out onto and up the vertical pillar of pitch two in an impressive lead. He’s swinging well and the only technical terms come when he can’t get his axe out of the ice at the steepest point. A third pitch leads us over a couple of short steps to the trees and a walk back to Vermork Bridge past the museum that is the old power station and WW II heavy water plant.

Meanwhile, Gareth and Steve are enjoying some good ice and a great deal more trenching through deep powder snow for six or seven pitches on Bølgen forsaking the ice completely where it runs out to desperately hug a tree. Whilst all this is going on we figure we have time to visit the Ossimosis area where we each lead unnamed single pitch WI 3s to the left of the crag and Craig leads the steep Ossimosis (WI 4) in a single pitch.

Gareth and Steve are picked up around 6.15pm after their abseil descent. Steve still looks immaculate but according to Gareth only because he bathed in snow after the tree hugging episode. Back at the hut, to be on the safe side, he has another ‘short’ shower and outside the river dries up temporarily.

Thursday 20^th February
It’s a cold morning (-6°C) and no snowfall. We make a relaxed start to the day having woken later. Gareth is moved from the sofa, Steve makes sandwiches and an odd conversation about money ensues over breakfast.

Gareth, “I sent my mum to get mine.”
The others, “You sent your mum!”
Gareth, “It was really awkward. I’d planned the trip around my sisters due date and she was 3 days late!”
Colin, “Just how long ago did you plan this trip?”

The possibility of actually sleeping in a bed persuades Gareth to take a rest day whilst the rest of us head to the Lower Gorge where we arrive a little after midday. We’re surprised to find the routes quite well in although very snowy. More snow starts to fall, quite heavy for a while, but it is very quiet and peaceful and we stay until darkness is falling having done four routes as a team of three.

I lead an unnamed WI 4 next to Hjemreisen up a short pillar a slabby section and a longer steep pillar. Steve and Craig follow in turn. Much grunting from below and, “Craig I hope you’re taking photos. This is the pinnacle of my climbing career!!” tells of Steve’s approach.

Craig leads the excellent Hjemreisen (WI 4) up the neighbouring pillar then Steve romps up LP Plata (WI 3) and then runs out a long pitch up Lillebror (WI 3).

Friday 21^st February
It’s a clear morning but with quite a bit of fresh snow. Well provisioned with sandwiches by Steve we make the 30km trip round to Kong Vinter, but we can see from the approach that it’s not in condition. There’s lots of snow and the routes are not all there; the route Jim and Phil did last year is a raging waterfall!

So we return to Vermork Bridge where we find a team just completing Host (WI 4) and no one queuing. Craig swings his way up to the final pillar. “There’s some loose stuff here I’ll have to send it down.” We’re out of the direct line but it takes a deflection and breaks into three. Strike One – a sizeable piece on Steve’s side (painful); Strike Two – a larger piece on the top of my rucksack as I duck; Strike Three (nearly) – the biggest bit at Gareth’s feet; almost the full set. I follow and Craig and we walk into the Upper Gorge leaving the route to Gareth and Steve to enjoy.

We’ve no particular plan but find Sabotørfossen (WI 5) is free. It’s a classic of the area renowned for its big top pitch. Should we do it? It’s a big tick. Oh, what the hell. I set off up the first pitch on excellent ice, skirting a small bulge and realising I’ve just lined myself up for that top pitch; oh er mother! Craig follows and leads on up two steep steps in the narrow twisting gully above. I’m showered with ice and snow, but not from Craig; a party of idiots are abbing down over us instead of walking off. I offer some appropriate words of advice. Craig’s pitch is excellent and another good lead. I leave him looking enviously upwards and lead through onto the top pitch which is fantastic. From the belay Craig is out of sight below but I monitor his progress as a plume of ice chippings arcs out over the gully.

On the way back we see Gareth at the top of Vermorkbrufoss (WI 4) and pause on Vermork Bridge to watch and photograph Steve following the long second pitch.

Saturday 22^nd February
It’s a day of thaw with the temperature around +2/3°C. We have to move accommodation for the last night so once Steve’s finished making sandwiches and we’ve roused Gareth from this customary place of slumber on the sofa we pack up and check into a guest house.

In the Upper Gorge several teams are on Bakveien and Nye Vemorkfoss so we carry on up the gorge to look at Blindtarmen (WI 4). But there is avalanche debris along the way and beyond the narrows avalanches are descending in the Blindtarman area.

We backtrack and now find Bakveien (WI 4) and Nye Vemorkfoss (WI 5) clearing of teams so Craig and I go for the former which gives three good pitches up a pillar then a Scottish like gully. To the right, encouraged by us, Gareth and Steve go for the latter, with Gareth hooking his way very assuredly up the steep second pitch. It is Steve’s ‘Big Follow’ and on the shared second stance Gareth and I ponder whether we could play a tune on the rope. Steve, the next day, “I can’t lift my arms. I’ll be pumped tomorrow using the mouse. I’ll have to shake out!”

Pizza for tea and then it’s goodbye political correctness at an Andy Kirkpatrick lecture.

Sunday 23^rd February
Steve is jumping for joy as he plays back a recording of Gareth snoring. We take a leisurely breakfast after packing as we’re heading back to day.

It’s about this time that Gareth raises the matter of the Archimedean Property of the Real Numbers. Why I have no idea but after many seconds of research I have established that if we let x and y be positive elements of a linearly ordered group, then x is infinitesimal with respect to y (or equivalently, y is infinite with respect to x).

What this means or what it has to do with ice climbing, again, I have no idea unless the suggestion is that in relative terms the amount of effort applied by Gareth’s hooking (x) can be considered to be infinitesimal when compared to that expanded by Craig’s swinging (y). Although I think we have already ascertained that the latter is as near as damn it infinite!

The drive back takes about 2 hours 50 minutes. At the airport we’re told off for drinking cans of beer in the check-in area and Craig is apprehended at security for smuggling tinned mackerel!

We are making another trip to Norway in February 2014. However, after several trips to Rjukan we will be visiting a new area a bit further south and west. The area is Setesdal and there is a recently published guide to the area: Setesdal Ice – Norway. Author Geoff Hornby – Published Oxford Alpine Club (2012) – ISBN 978-0-9567288-0-7.

Although the climbing is more spread out than Rjukan there are over 150 routes. It looks very good and well worth a visit with plenty to go at from WI 3 to WI 4, some easier stuff and, of course, harder routes as well. The climbing is on water ice and experience of front point and twin axe techniques is important.

Four of us are already committed to a nine day trip; Friday to Sunday. Flights are Ryan Air from Liverpool to Oslo Torp. Travel to Setesdal is by hire car. We have booked a 4/5 person cabin at Valle (http://www.valle-motell.no). If others wish to join the trip they will need to book additional accommodation and transport but we can provide advice.

Approximate costs based on nine nights in either a 4/5 or 6 person cabin, hire car/s from Hertz and Ryan Air flights with 15kg luggage at current rates are: Group of 4 - £374.92; Group of 5 - £319.78; Group of 6 - £424.32 (food, drink and petrol extra).

If you want to know more speak to Craig Marsden or Colin Maddison.