THE ANGLO, WOP AND JOCK, ALPINE SHOPPING EXPEDITION - Duncan Lee
By Duncan Lee
After numerous preliminary training shopping expeditions, during which share prices in Outside soared and Sheena procured a light weight collapsable kitchen sink, the car was eventually loaded and we were off towards the big scary snowy mountains of northern Italy. Retail base Valtournenche, ten minutes stroll away from our reclining base in the idyllic old alpine hamlet of Crepin, which contains one of the many outposts of the Cosulich family empire and mercifully, no shops!
The trip started well; rain! Thus with the going being tough the tough went shopping. Thankfully on this occasion only to purchase fine locally produced produce of the edible variety but a full reconnaissance of the other retail outlets in town was carried out by the girls/ladies *(delete as deemed applicable). Day two dawned fair so we set forth onto the hill (Monte Pancherot) to begin the weeklong torture of our gracious host, Isaia, Sabina's brother-in-law. The poor lad was introduced to the delights of multipitch routes on an 8 pitch 6B+ (Via di Salassi, 5+ obligatory), which despite forgetting his rock boots he struggled manfully up for 3 pitches until escape was possible. Sabina and Isaia beat a strategic retreat and ferried all the packs round to the top of the hill in time to meet Sheena "eyes on stalks" Hendrie and I as we topped out into the sunshine for a bite to eat and a much appreciated shot of grappa. Suitably refreshed we walked out the long way via Lago Cignana through meadows that were a veritable blaze of colour finally arriving back in Crepin after 11 hours on the hill to conclude a nice little warm up.
Rest and retail therapy was prescribed for the following day but even the ardent shopaholics baulked at the sky high prices in Courmayeur so we beat a retreat to the Val Ferret where we grazed our way up to the sun kissed granite walls of Frebouge consuming vast quantities of wild strawberries and bilberries on route. Only the absence of raspberries prevented Sabina from awarding the crag three stars for grazing potential. On the climbing front we did manage to drag our lazy behinds up a couple of things before munching our ways back to the car and heading back to Crepin where we were "Bowkered!" Revenge was sweet however because Steve's dreams of fine Italian home cooking were dashed. It was curry night courtesy of moi because Isaia had never experienced the delights of vegetable madras.
The following day saw Steve lazing around in bed whilst the rest of us set of for the cable car up to the Torino hut and the hot slog across the Valle Blanche to the Tour Ronde. The snow on the glacier was like porridge at 8am and was virtually non-existent on the normal route thus most of the climbing was on unstable unconsolidated rubble lying on shallow angled slabs. Lovely! This coupled with the building cloud saw us retreating from the Col Freshfield down disgustingly wet snow back to the glacier for a surreal misty walk back to the Torino hut. This was definitely not an auspicious introduction to Alpine climbing for Sheena but at least the views of the Blanc et al were superb until the clag rolled in.
The next morn saw me out voted as the rest of the team decided on a bizarre form of rest day. A monster bloody walk! Thankfully the views were again fantastic and there was not a shop in sight as we strolled over to the Col di Nana for lunch in the sun overlooking the Monte Rosa group whilst being over looked ourselves by a pair of curious ibex. Here it was that Isaia played his masterstroke of Italian hospitality by producing a bottle of Grignolino from his pack to accompany our lunch of bread and cheese. A fine effort. On the walk back to the car we even bagged a peak, the diminutive but elegant Punta Falinere.
Friday saw Isaia's departure back to Milano and the bambini whilst Sabe, Steve, Sheena and I ventured all of half a mile to the local crag (Singlin) to sample the delights of one of the valleys old "classic" multipitch rock routes and the vagaries of the Italian grading system that never fails to keep you on your toes. The climb (Les Hirondelles) proved to be a gem that was sustained at English 5C all the way with a great variety in the styles of climbing. Everything infact from an outrageous roof on pitch two to thin delicate slab climbing on the fifth and final pitch.
In the late afternoon Steve disappeared off to Zermatt to brighten up someone else's life whilst the rest of us left the Alps to the weekend hordes and headed south to Genova and the seaside for some rest and recuperation. The weekend then consisted of eating and drinking vast quantities of fine Italian food, chocolate and wine with Sabina's family to replenish the "Alpine reserve" in between numerous dips in the sea and an enjoyable route on Bric Pianarella at Finale. Suitably rested we then headed back to the mountains for round two.
Round two started off with a jolly little walk from Crepin to the Rivolta bivouac hut at the Col du Fort on the Punta di Cian . A mere five and half-hours with a height gain of 1400 metres. To compensate for the quality suffering I carried a bottle of Grignolino to the hut that we consumed after watching the chamois and ibex grazing on the nearby slopes.
The following day dawned fine and we were out of the hut by 7am for an enjoyable outing up the airy and atmospheric Cresta Ray. For the majority of the climb we moved together pitching only a few awkward steps and the superb granite slabs on the penultimate tower on the ridge. With this last obstacle overcome we reached the summit just as the mist began to envelop the mountain and thus chose not to linger in favour of a quick descent of the normal route which was billed in the guide as "a fine little rock climb." This statement highlighted the age of the Alpine guidebooks and the wonders of climatic change because in its present state the descent consisted of rubble that made for more than a few nerve-jangling moments. Much to everyone's relief an alternative safer descent was possible down easy angled snow from the first col thus bypassing more quality rubble experiences on the next section of ridge and the shooting alley of a gully that the guidebook recommends as the descent! This faster descent also had the benefit of meaning that we were down on the remnants of the Rosetta glacier when the hail and rain swept in to dampen the long walk back to Crepin.
Suitably enthused by a good little jaunt and too tired to be bothered cooking we treated ourselves to a celebratory pizza and bottle of vino in an excellent little pizzeria in Valtournenche.
The following two days saw the Alpine weather returning to its fickle best with frequent storms and the odd brief fleeting sunny spells that generally lasted long enough to tempt you out onto the rock in time for normal service to be resumed. Thus each day we managed at least one climb, one soaking and at least one tour of the shops, two on the really bad days.
Friday saw the team heading west to Chamonix in search of the missing pieces from Sheena's dinner service and a tour of every shop in the town. Finally I managed to drag them over to the sun kissed granite slabs of the Vallorcine where we did a couple of enjoyable routes. The experience was spoilt slightly by the fact that half the world was there but the crag did score highly on Sabina's grazing scale providing an abundant supply of wild strawberries, raspberries and bilberries.
An expensive meal in Argentiere ended the day and the following morn saw the girls/ladies* (delete as applicable) abandoning the smelly hippy and heading home. Bliss! No more nagging about showers and forced trips to the shops!
