UNCLE B*STARD'S PROBLEM PAGE
All your personal, mountaineering and climbing problems answered by the KMC Newsletter's very own caring and sensitive correspondent. All names, of potentially fictitious individuals - who may not even be members of the club, have been changed to protect the guilty.
Dear Uncle B,
My girlfriend has recently moved in with me, only she has this real problem with our address. Apparently it's one of the things she can't remember along with anything she's got planed for the next few months, where she' put her glasses and the way home. Frankly I think she's completely barking.
I'm absolutely desperate for help.
Troubled of Warrington.
Dear Troubled of Warrington,
Woof, woof, woof! You're absolutely right.
Tough!
Uncle B.
Dear Uncle B*stard,
Whilst on a recent KMC meet at Cader Idris a sheep tried getting into my tent. Should I change my aftershave or buy a pair of wellies?
Yours Perplexed.
Dear Perplexed,
I'm shocked by your reference to wellies. It's against club rules for individual members to inflict pain on dumb animals, we have Gritstone Meets for that - ask Craig.
Yours UB.
Dear Uncle B,
A few months ago I injured my shoulder. This problem now appears to be worsening to include symptoms similar to wrist strain.
Yours in hope, Hans.
Dear Hans,
Is this in anyway connected with the fact your girlfriend has started climbing with someone else?
Uncle B*
Auntie B's Top Tips:
- Leading a high camping meet? Worried about that heavy rucksack? Concerned about a chilly night under canvass maybe? Why not visit our website at www.weather.com? You'll find hundreds of unfavourable forecasts to choose from. Aye, one'll be right for the'
- Bigfoot recently spotted on Gower swearing with vigorous Scottish accent. So the Top Tip here is: bring your own climbing gear with you and don't try using someone else's rock boots four sizes too big!
Auntie B's Hot News Flash!
- Colin Mudstone spreads his legs to become High Magazine Super Model.
- And from the Manchester Evening News - Reporting on a certain well known provider of climbing walls from Stalybridge.. "One senior member of staff, Grubby Thornhump, said: 'Personally, I would always choose the natural climbing.' "
Uncle B to launch Shock Horror Probe - has anyone seen this character on a recent meet, or rock for that matter?
Finally - Important Notice from Uncle B
Well, that's all for this time. To be blunt you're a pretty boring bunch this last few months. The quality of letters has been quite naff! So either get reporting some serious scandal or I'm not going to let the truth get in the way of a good article.
