Night-time Adventures in Wales (only the brave/foolhardy need apply)

"I counted them all out and I counted them all back…"

Brian Hanrahan 1982

Well – this is a blast from the past. I’m organising my first meet for several years – I’m older, greyer, heavier, less knee cartilage and with failing faculties – all qualities that bode well for a fun-packed KMC weekend of adventure, flirting with danger and possible rides home after dark in a big yellow spinney thing – we may even have a Royal at the wheel!

As for the general plan: well in stark contrast to a Metelko weekend, Friday evening will see the hut awash with charging batteries, so when night falls on pitch three on the Saturday the KMC will be able to illuminate the route ahead. Saturday will be an early start – for breakfast, - before a later start for the hills. But which hills?

Good weather (i.e. not snow/ice) will require parties to engage in an adventure on the pass – there are plenty of classics out there, all of which dole out a bit more spice when the hands are cold, the feet aching, the rope heavy with rain, and the Stanage guide not matching with the route ahead. So regardless of the level of inclemency, the KMC will finish Saturday evening (or possibly very early Sunday morning) having bagged some routes – a climbing club actually climbing (sad news for V12 and Browns)!

For the few folk who find the prospect of a plaque immortalising their heriosm at the foot of the pass not immediately appealing, just think of the righteous pleasure that will surge through your soul as the a wee dram or two courses through your veins on the Saturday evening. The steam will be rising from various cauldrons of KMC gruel bubbling on the stove, the dram, wine, ale or hot Ribena will be translating stories of moderate difficulty on a pass V-Diff into episodes from Touching the Void – and all will be a steamy mix of pleasure, babbling voices, re-enacted climbing moves and good old fashioned camaraderie.

But that’s just the start – if the mood proves amenable and Dave Dillon can be persuaded to do his electrical wizardry, the(vague) plan is for a bit of festive dancing to welcome in the 2012 – for those that weren't able to make the hut’s New Year revelry. Jim Symon will be leading the way, the KMCs very own King of Strictly – so if the climbing didn’t give you an injury or two, pogoing with Jim will do the trick – Bangor Infirmary have been put on standby.

So what about Sunday – hmmmm? Well obviously there is the Archers omnibus, then, if very pleasant weather – dry with a modicum of warmth, a bit of slate bolt clipping perhaps? Or maybe a run or walk for those that had their fill of the vertical the day before – and if neither of those are appealing, - there’s always an opportunity to support the local economy – so swapping those steel Karabiners or hemp rope for something post war is always a possibility – have you seen Roger Dykes or Colin Maddison’s rack!

So there you have it – how could any KMCer worthy of the name not be attracted by the prospect of such a weekend of hedonistic indulgence? You’ll return to work (or retirement) on the Monday, bruised and battered but with many a tale with which to regale your fortunate colleagues.

As for routes – well, I was hoping that we’d stick to the south facing side of the pass to give a sense of community to our misadventures. We’d all be able to hear yells of despair from some poor unfortunate floundering on the Grochan’s Nea whilst struggling to place a life-or-death wire on Craig Ddu’s Rib and Slab. And somewhere in the distance you’ll hear cursing from a tangled rope team on Wastads’ Wrinkle interspersed with echoes of purgatorial laughter from another couple preparing to bivi high on the Cromlech’s Flying Buttress. If none of these whet the appetite – there’s always Crackstone Rib (or visa versa), and array of slightly more demanding VSs.

Two alternative Saturday adventures: if its absolutely tipping down a mass ascent of Lockwoods Chimney is a serious possibility; or if the white stuff makes an appearance Mr Metelko will take over the reins – so don’t forget your avalanche transmitters and to advise next of kin you may joining Al for gravitational fun with axes.

If after having read the above and there are any remaining questions then give me a bell – otherwise I look forward to seeing the KMC’s intrepid adventurers at the hut on the Friday evening.