Wed 30th Jul, 2014

Ravenstones - Chew Valley


Members - Dan O'Brien, Mark Ashley, Ding, Laura Collier, Dave Wylie, Andy Stratford, Stuart Hurworth, Gareth Williams

Guests - Mirella De Jonge, Anna Reeves, Mark Haworth, Andy Harper

With Apologies to Edgar Allan Poe

The Ravenstone

Once upon a Wednesday cheery, while I wandered weak and weary,

Over many a tufty, peaty plateau of the Pennine moor,

With my rucksack, heavy bugger, suddenly I saw a hiker,

And another climbing climber, climbing on the barren moor.

`'Tis some KMC-er,' I muttered, `climbing on the barren moor -

Only this, and nothing more.'

As usual, on a Wednesday after work, in the midsummer;

The KMC will come and climb on local esoterica;

Eagerly I wished the walk-in over; - as it was a total bore;

Arriving at the Ravenstones, a classic crag of the traditional days of yore

A view of radiant beauty o'er cross the Pennine moor -

Who could ask for more.

Andy Stratford chose the Trinicle, a three-pronged rocky pinnacle

To open his account with a Top-50 Hard Severe;

The Left Monolith - “well travelled” one of the best routes here;

A good clean line with plenty of good holds and some good gear;

`And was followed by Stuart who patiently belayed Andy from the floor; -

This he did, and much more,'

But the quickest way was riding and his bicycle providing,

Gareth speedy access to the crag and time to look at routes before;

He was belayed on True Grit but in the dark it was a tricky git,

With pumpy moves on tough terrain and needing two Friend 4's

So the best approach discretion as he returned to the floor;

Quoth the Ravenstones – Nevermore.

Mark and Ding approached direct avoiding paths and climbing heather;

`Surely this can't be the best way; tell me truly' he implored;

'Climbing routes that were his namesake – Mark 1 – V.Diff and more;

And Laura rode her bike from Hyde with less rain than before;

And Mirella with some other guests, climbed K-Corner and Left Monolith -

Climbing here, and there and more.

Now having done the walk-in I should really do some climbing,

But the only route inspiring up there on the windy moor.

Was a grim traditional struggle of the saintly days of yore;

So I crawled along the break, grinding my face along the floor -

And though the gear was good we could not face three pitches more -

So we bailed - nothing more.

In the pub with beer and scratchings rested from our long walk-out;

Time for voting, three suggestions were propos-ed to the floor.

`Hen Cloud! (no more bird restrictions) was the first to be put forward;

Despite - despite and nepenthe from Stu's efforts to implore!

A trip to HenCloud was rejected by the KMC once more

Quoth the Ravenstone, `Nevermore.'

`Witches Quarry! crag of limestone! - Andy said, in Clitheroe -

Without walk-in, crag-side parking, who could ask for more?

But the KMC unmoving shunning Pendle Limestone too -

Even with exciting prospects – belaying out of the car door -

Or belay stakes and lush grass top-outs with no reason to implore!'

Quoth the Ravenstone, `Nevermore.'

`Woodhouse!' said I, `crag of roadside! - Woodhouse Scar a crag of gritstone!

In Halifax, no walk in and no traipsing 'cross the moors -

And defectors from the Witches' camp meant the vote was passed by four,

As the clock ticked to 11 most were heading for the door -

'Is there time for one last beer, is there more for anymore?

Quoth the Ravenstone, `Nevermore.'

Yet upon the teams departing Gareth stood and shrieked upstarting -

`There are three still missing wandering on the Night's Plutonian shore!'

Last seen topping out as night fell on the Trinicle for sure;

Made it safely to the car-park - though at dusk they locked the door!'

Will they have to stay the night upon the bleak chew valley floor.

Quoth the Ravenstone, `Nevermore.'

And the stragglers, never flitting, still are sitting, still are sitting

In the dark and dim Binn Green whilst locked remains the car-park door;

And the man from Oldham Council has been woken from his dreaming,

And his headlights will be streaming to the car-park on the moor;

As they wait to be released I sit an write this meet report;

And wait for next week – Nevermore.

Dan





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